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As a child I was outgoing and sociable.  Pleasing people came naturally to me and I was praised for it by my family, by teachers, by strangers.  The more precocious and delightful I was, the more praise I received. Like a tree reaching for the sun, I grew more and more pleasing.  

 

Praise made me hungry and lack of praise began to feel like proof that I wasn’t doing something right.  That I wasn’t right, and that belief was reinforced over and over until it hummed in my veins: be delightful so people will like you.  

 

Every new connection required a slightly modified version of myself; “Who did they need me to be?” so I became hyper vigilant to other people’s emotional states.  I learned to read their feelings and anticipate what they needed, what would make them happy.  I began to blur the boundaries.  What made them happy began to make me happy and I lost my own experience.

 

If I did my job, as an emotional monitor, I could avoid letting any of my people feel uncomfortable.  I needed them to feel good so I could feel safe. My worthiness was dependent on their happiness.  Be delightful or people won’t like you.

 

I maintained this co-dependent dance for an exceptionally long time; right up until I became a mother.  Meeting the endless needs of my children on top of feeling responsible for their happiness broke me open.  I was exhausted, resentful, anxious, angry, scared.  I was giving my entire self to this ‘project’ and still felt like I was failing.

 

The work I teach is the work I did. It's the work I am still doing. I have healed the part of me that felt responsible for everyone else's happiness. In doing so I have uncovered my gift as an emotional intuitive. This process has changed my life in beautiful ways.

 

Integrity is a process that requires courage and faith. My intention is to walk with you, map in hand, as you find your way back to yourself.